This morning, there was absolute chaos in the house. Working out, making breakfast and generally bathing and getting ready for work without getting into each others way. A normal weekday routine that my husband and I have followed. There are cries from the bathroom for a towel, breakfast and dressing up- our multi-tasking home sport and switching channels and music according to whoever is walking past the player. And the moment we got out of home, we had the argument.
It all started with a book I was discussing called Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti of feministing.com. For all those who think that feminism means anti-men, you must read it. It’s not available in India yet but I got it as a gift from the USA, and it’s one of my most treasured books. Yes, there are places where it falters, bores you with American outlook towards life and even discusses hairy women and lesbians. But what’s best about it is the way you look at feminism today. In 2008, what’s the relevance of feminism?
We seem to be a generation that has everything. It’s like a reality TV Show, you enlist, try your best and regardless of where you come from, who your parents and what you have been doing till now, you’re the star! We are a generation that makes its own rules and are still looking for ways to bend them. Conforming makes you boring and rebelling is so out of fashion. In an age like this, what does feminism mean? My husband thinks feminism is just a name given to women who are anti-men, at least a good majority of them advocate men-bashing and shouting out “vagina” a million times. He thinks anyone treated inferior or fighting for the inferior should be a humanist. Because we are all born equal. I agree to disagree.
As a girl who worked real hard to get where I am, I know just what it is to be treated inferior. I come from a small town, its name totally oblivious even to well-versed geographics. My parents love me, treat me equally with my brother and all that, but what’s funny is that society puts them in a hard place sometimes. Hence between understanding me and working with society, their lines were blurred in any case. So despite being a rebellious kid who questioned why property was only given to boys and why I can’t go out at night just like my brother, I resigned to Journalism in my later years. And oh, did I just commit suicide by doing that? No, but my folks and my relatives thought so. This is hara-kiri at its best. Who will marry her? What can she be? What about timings and working late hours with boys? But well, I fought and made it. But yes, I do know what it feels like to be treated inferior, to getting close to none of my potential unrealized by getting married to a doctor or an engineer as most Andhra families love to. I also know what makes me what I am now, and why being a woman had its limits and how far is too far and how tight is too tight. Don't worry am not gonna kill you if you're stereotyping women and talk about prudes, shopping, jokes etc etc, I'm all for fun. Getting angry over dumb blonde jokes, that's not the feminism am talking about.
I’m sure other than just professional hazards, there’s a lot more to being a woman. Rape, Eve teasing, abuses, being treated inferior, unequal rights, unqual paychecks, stereotypes, Not giving rights to live life her way as an individual and the constant “This is how you should be as a woman”, thing! And oh, I forgot, No sex absolutely, you can’t enjoy it, talk about it or deal with it. That’s for bad girls. Lovely!
And as for eve teasing, I’m sure you’ve been groped in the lifts, in buses and trains and I’m sure you shut up because you did not want to create a fuss. It’s just lamely taken for granted that if you’re a woman you’ve got to deal with all this, its common, or better, don’t wear skirts, go out in the dark and don’t’ bloody drink. Cause drinking apparently makes you easy and then if you get raped, it’s not anyone’s fault but your own. So many pieces of advice, and so little time to kill of them who advocate shit like this.
I believe there is a reason why feminism came into our lives. And if humanism is what we should be aiming at, we earnestly have to get to be good feminists and work for what we as woman need, as they too first have to be relegated to the human section. In my thoughts, feminism is the path to humanism when it comes to dealing with women being treated as inferior sex. And hating men, that’s not my prerogative. Nor any real feminist’s agenda, but if you’re a man and you abuse me, rest assured I’ll hunt you down and kick your ass to Neverland. That goes for any man, woman, aunty and cow.
And feminists are real women with real problems; they want no groping, no nonsense, equal paychecks and more. They are not hairy and they could be lesbian and otherwise. And they love sex and work towards fulfilling relationships based on equality and mostly, they respect who you are for what you do and what you can be instead of abiding dirty stereotypes that society advocates. They own themselves and live with choices they thoughtfully make.
Humanism or Feminism? Take your pick ‘cause both tell you not to treat anyone inferior. Both tell you not take shit from anyone just because you’re you.
Make it c) All of the above.
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